Anti Love Jokes

Posted on February 16, 2010. Filed under: humor, random | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

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In response to Valentine’s Day and an abundance of chocolate I thought I would post three sexists and tasteless jokes.

~Joke One

I just had an argument with a girl I know. She was saying how it’s unfair that if a guy f***s a different girl every week, he’s a legend, but if a girl f***s just two guys in a year, she’s a slut. So in response I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it’s a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it’s a shitty lock. That shut her up.

~Joke Two

A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room. “Where the hell do you think you’re going?” he says. “I’m going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a blow job there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free.”
The husband thinks for a mom=ent, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well. “Where do you think you going?” the wife asks. “I’m coming with you…I want to see how you survive on $800 a year!!!”

~Joke Three

A man comes home and shouts “Honey! Pack your bags! I just hit the lottery!”
She screams “OMG! What should I pack?”
He says, “Everything! Get the f*** out!”

All of the jokes were shamelessly copied from bash.org

Bash.org is so funny. If you want to see some jokes in old school irc format I highly recommend this site.

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Get In Line

Posted on April 3, 2009. Filed under: humor | Tags: , , , , |

A crowded Virgin flight was cancelled after Virgin’s 767s had been withdrawn from service. A single attendant was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, ‘I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS’.

The attendant replied, ‘I’m sorry, sir. I’ll be happy to try to help you, but I’ve got to help these people first, and I’m sure we’ll be able to work something out.’

The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, ‘DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?’

Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone: ‘May I have your attention please, may I have your attention please,’ she began – her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal.

‘We have a passenger here at Gate number 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If any of you can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14.’

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the Virgin attendant, gritted his teeth and said, ‘F*** You!!!’

Without flinching, she smiled and said, (I love this bit) ‘I’m sorry, sir, but you’ll have to get in line for that too!!!

I love flight attendant jokes. I have observed some pretty witty and snappy comebacks, all done with a smile.

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