Anti Love Jokes

Posted on February 16, 2010. Filed under: humor, random | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

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In response to Valentine’s Day and an abundance of chocolate I thought I would post three sexists and tasteless jokes.

~Joke One

I just had an argument with a girl I know. She was saying how it’s unfair that if a guy f***s a different girl every week, he’s a legend, but if a girl f***s just two guys in a year, she’s a slut. So in response I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it’s a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it’s a shitty lock. That shut her up.

~Joke Two

A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room. “Where the hell do you think you’re going?” he says. “I’m going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a blow job there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free.”
The husband thinks for a mom=ent, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well. “Where do you think you going?” the wife asks. “I’m coming with you…I want to see how you survive on $800 a year!!!”

~Joke Three

A man comes home and shouts “Honey! Pack your bags! I just hit the lottery!”
She screams “OMG! What should I pack?”
He says, “Everything! Get the f*** out!”

All of the jokes were shamelessly copied from bash.org

Bash.org is so funny. If you want to see some jokes in old school irc format I highly recommend this site.

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Are You Happy?

Posted on December 30, 2009. Filed under: photo, self-awareness | Tags: , , , , , , , |

How simple yet smart. Even I can follow that logic.

Thanks to dooby brain for the image.

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Life’s a Coin Toss

Posted on December 17, 2009. Filed under: humor, Joy, life, photo | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , |

I love this! Sadly I shall be using this trick from time to time.

Source Tumblr

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Internet To The Rescue

Posted on December 6, 2009. Filed under: funny, humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , |


Welcome to my world.

Thanks to Jim Benton for the image

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Time Don’t Wait For No One

Posted on September 13, 2009. Filed under: writing | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

KNUTSFORD, ENGLAND - MARCH 23:  Horologist Rom...
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My Grandfather, who was a WWII Vet, had this saying, “Time Don’t Wait For No One” .  Although it drove me nuts, I knew what he meant. It was typically announced when I was either putting something off or taking too long to get ready. Still it always made me pause and think that’s one crazy ass statement. As I get older some how it resonates.  The following is a sweet perspective on just that.

“Who has never killed an hour? Not casually or without thought, but carefully: a premeditated murder of minutes. The violence comes from a combination of giving up, not caring, and a resignation that getting past it is all you can hope to accomplish. So you kill the hour. You do not work, you do not read, you do not daydream. If you sleep it is not because you need to sleep. And when at last it is over, there is no evidence: no weapon, no blood, and no body. The only clue might be the shadows beneath your eyes or a terribly thin line near the corner of your mouth indicating something has been suffered, that in the privacy of your life you have lost something and the loss is too empty to share.”
— Mark Z. Danielewski (House of Leaves)

Thanks to good reads for the quote

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Living The Dream

Posted on May 23, 2009. Filed under: humor | Tags: , , , , , , , |

card2132

Are you living the dream while corporate whoring?

Do the math and you may just find out.

This is from This is Indexed and it is a great collection.

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Believe The Common Sense Factor

Posted on May 18, 2009. Filed under: humor, photo | Tags: , , , , , , , , |

beileve

Now if I could just teach my 14 year old this.

Thanks to acrobant for the image

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Would You Do It For A Dollar?

Posted on May 8, 2009. Filed under: humor, video | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

Vodpod videos no longer available.

 

This is an old joke but still funny.

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I’m Gonna Get You Sucker, A Chimp With A Plan

Posted on March 9, 2009. Filed under: humor, odd, random | Tags: , , , , , , , |

chimp-with-a-gun1

According to The BBC, a zoo chimp planed his stone attack. The report goes on to state,

“There has been scant evidence in previous research that animals can plan for future events.

Crucial to the current study is the fact that Santino, a chimpanzee at the zoo in the city north of Stockholm, collected the stones in a calm state, prior to the zoo opening in the morning.

The launching of the stones occurred hours later – during dominance displays to zoo visitors – with Santino in an “agitated” state.

This suggests that Santino was anticipating a future mental state – an ability that has been difficult to definitively prove in animals, according to Mathias Osvath, a cognitive scientist from Lund University in Sweden and author of the new research.”

Seriously don’t mess with the chimps.

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The Real Obama

Posted on February 6, 2009. Filed under: humor, photo | Tags: , , , , , |

gal_obama_mad_cover

Thanks to NY Daily News and MAD Magazine

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