Mr. Rogers Fights Fair

Posted on July 16, 2010. Filed under: cartoon, funny, humor, self-awareness | Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

Mr. Rogers was quite possibly the most congruent person of our time.

Thanks to xkcd.com for the image.

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Not That Anything’s Wrong With That

Posted on February 23, 2010. Filed under: funny, humor, photo, random | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

I know this image has been all over but I just needed to post this.

Still I can’t believe the New Orleans Saint’s WON!

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Anti Love Jokes

Posted on February 16, 2010. Filed under: humor, random | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

"Prang's Valentine cards". Advertise...
Image via Wikipedia

In response to Valentine’s Day and an abundance of chocolate I thought I would post three sexists and tasteless jokes.

~Joke One

I just had an argument with a girl I know. She was saying how it’s unfair that if a guy f***s a different girl every week, he’s a legend, but if a girl f***s just two guys in a year, she’s a slut. So in response I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it’s a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it’s a shitty lock. That shut her up.

~Joke Two

A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room. “Where the hell do you think you’re going?” he says. “I’m going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a blow job there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free.”
The husband thinks for a mom=ent, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well. “Where do you think you going?” the wife asks. “I’m coming with you…I want to see how you survive on $800 a year!!!”

~Joke Three

A man comes home and shouts “Honey! Pack your bags! I just hit the lottery!”
She screams “OMG! What should I pack?”
He says, “Everything! Get the f*** out!”

All of the jokes were shamelessly copied from bash.org

Bash.org is so funny. If you want to see some jokes in old school irc format I highly recommend this site.

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Engineers Simplified

Posted on April 28, 2009. Filed under: humor, random | Tags: , , , , , , |

Engineering Students

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?”

The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.”

The second engineer nodded approvingly, “Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn’t have fitted.”

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Thanks to imgur.com for the joke

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Dumpster Diving For Sex?

Posted on April 27, 2009. Filed under: humor, random | Tags: , , , , , , , |

I have heard of dumpster diving but this is too much.

Perhaps it is the economy that drove this couple to ‘get it on’ in, no not a car, but an actual dumpster. I heard about this on the radio this morning and the announcer said, “You can make a dumpster very nice these days.”

According to the The Victoria Times Colonist ,

“Spring is clearly in the air — one couple wanting to spend a little quality time together yesterday wasn’t too fussy about the location.

A Saanich police officer responding to a complaint of suspicious activity early yesterday morning in the Quadra and McKenzie area heard noises coming from a dumpster. When no one responded after he called out, he decided to look inside.

He found two naked adults, a 30-year-old woman and a 26-year-old man, described later by police as “intertwined and oblivious to his presence.”

The pair was ordered to dress and get out of the dumpster. The man was arrested on an unrelated matter stemming from Oak Bay police files, while the woman was sent home.

The potential for another case of dumpster love later in the day never materialized after Victoria police received an afternoon call about unusual happenings at a garbage bin near Quadra and Mason streets. No one was there by the time police arrived.”

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Use And Abuse Me

Posted on April 18, 2009. Filed under: funny, love, random, self-awareness | Tags: , , , , , |

used-up

Don’t we all know someone like this? You know who you are, just out there hiding pretending to be fruit.

Thanks to Hoshi

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If The Government Ran Valentine’s Day

Posted on February 12, 2009. Filed under: humor, love, romance | Tags: , , , , , |

gov-love-doc

Printable image.

Thanks to Buzz Feed for the document.

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Is It Better To Love Or To Be Loved?

Posted on December 31, 2008. Filed under: humor, Joy, life, love, random, relationships, romance, self improvement, self-awareness, writing | Tags: , , , , , , , |

stop1

Okay so here is the premise. You have to pick one or the other but not both.

Is it better:

1. To be in love with someone who does not love you?

Or

2. To be with someone who is in love with you but who you do not love?

I have been on both sides of this coin and I’m here to say they both suck. Seriously, it is a lose lose situation.

One does suck slightly less than the other.

I can’t wait to see your opnions.

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Love The Most Beautiful Form Of Insanity

Posted on December 29, 2008. Filed under: family, happiness, life, love, mental health, romance, writing | Tags: , , |

iloveyou

When you haven’t been in love since forever it can seem nearly like a myth. Then from out of no where it hits you, and it is the most beautiful form of insanity you could never imagine. The poem below reminds me of this and much more….sigh


A Little Love Poem by Andy Weaver

Someone who hates scrabble.Someone who sleeps on her back near an open window in winter, her breath rolling like a river into night.

Someone who wants me to wake her in the morning by reading ee cummings’ love poems, giving a small candle-flicker of a smile just before opening her eyes.

Someone who appreciates the architecture of churches, but refuses to step inside.

Someone who has hands fit to hold hurt sparrows and robins.

Someone who threw out an her Alice Cooper records when she found out he loves to golf.

Someone who would swerve a new car into the ditch to avoid a frog crossing the road.

Someone who would tattoo my name on her arm in writing the same colour as her skin, so it would appear slowly from nowhere when she suntanned, people thinking her blood was telling secrets to the world of its own accord.

Someone who learned Spanish to read Marquez, or Lorca, or Neruda.

Someone whose hips whisper their own stories of the serpent and the garden of Eden.

Someone who bites the back of my neck like a leopardess carrying her kitten to safety.

Someone who’ll make me wait for her to come out of the shower.

Someone whose smallest movements amaze me: her hair falling over her eyes, the soft swell of her hips when she ties down, a deep sigh when she sleeps.

Someone who maps every ticklish part of my body and then uses her knowledge strictly for evil.

Someone who paints our bodies black and makes love with me under the stars.

Someone who burns through my chest like that first shot of scotch.

Someone whose tongue, if we’re kept apart too long, would nervously trace my face into the roof of her mouth.

Someone who practises her signature with her wrong hand, in case of accidents or a sudden arrest.

Someone whose fingrnails smell faintly of her hair.

Someone who reminds me of the soft tickle of fog.

Someone who would rush outside in the middle of the night, setting a spider onto the lawn, never admitting it’s because she hates rain.

Someone who understands the unforgivable importance of ravens.

Someone wholl flicker into my lips with the ferocity of a dragonfly.

Someone who will open, thick, pungent and vital, like a Mapplethorpe flower.

Someone who has searched for me like a near-sighted woman groping for her glasses, stubbing her toes and swearing in Yiddish.

Someone who would understand why Steve and Dave and Paul and I sat in a bar staring at the mirror behind us for twenty minutes because somebody had asked what would happen if you looked at yourself in a mirror using a pair of binoculars unti1 we had to admit the question was too big for us, and we turned back to the safe optics of the beer bottle.

Someone who would just happen to cut my wrist shortly after reading Ondaatje’s “The Time Around Scars. ”

Someone who’ll stare softly but straight at me, smiling reassuringly when I tell her how my 73 year old Medieval lit prof looked up from Chaucer, stared blankly over the class’s heads and said that even the happiest marriage will end in death.

Someone who understands the efficiency inherent in suicide.

Someone who knows that love can be the thickest slice of hell we’ll ever taste.

Someone who would dance with me by the sides of highways.

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Now That’s Cute.

Posted on October 22, 2008. Filed under: humor, love, romance | Tags: , , , |

https://i1.wp.com/www.happysad.be/HL-files/nicewords1.gif

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